I literally am so fucked up. I cut myself for the first time in months the other day and now I can’t stop thinking about it and craving it and I’m so fucked rn… I mean, no harm if I don’t cut deep but what if something happens just I mean I’m scared and I feel so alone and I have Josh but I still just want to cut… And today I caught myself plotting suicide, full on, and that hasn’t happened in a long time. UGH I SUCK RN PLUS IM SICK
literally tried to go see a action movie with my dad today to get his mind off of his mother’s death… there was a boy with down syndrome working and said theater 2, when we were theater 3… and it turns out instead of an innocent action movie it was some sex movie rated R about boners and viagra and just… omg.
it was funny and so ironic and it’s just sucked. we walked out and drove home and just, now i’m here redying my hair. what a day.
Literally I’ve been blowing off the past week like nothing is wrong and everything is okay.. and it sucks because I genuinely want to believe that but everything is starting to pile up and get to me. Plus, usually I don’t give a shit and don’t dwell on things and it’s all over and done with but it’s not going away and it’s just so annoying.
I hate going to therapy sometimes. I mean, it’s nice to talk about my feelings to someone who isn’t going to judge me… but it’s always at such an inconvenient time. I had such a long day and I just feel sick and all I want is to stay home. I don’t want to talk about my feelings or about whats going on… all I want is to sleep. UGH.
A lot of times I think that my life really, really sucks… but occasionally I’ll turn on the TV and see “Teen Moms” on. Then I realize my life can’t suck too bad because I’m not on that show.
Ugh… I’m so sick and I can’t handle it.
Someone come cuddle me down and make me soup and just love me okay no I didn’t think so.
